Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
