ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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