How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
