The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
