Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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