I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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