I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's how pantless uber rides happen
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
