I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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