Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
