that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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