I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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