You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
