please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
