i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
nutella sex= disaster
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
