I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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