so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
