He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
