I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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