I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
