Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
