I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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