the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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