do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
