Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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