he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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