i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
