Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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