Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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