thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
