You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
