I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
