Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How naked do you want me to be?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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