i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
