he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
