Soap is not a condiment
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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