I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
