remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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