we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
