I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It was confusing and full of hummus
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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