yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
