i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
