We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also, beer. Big fan.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
