He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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