WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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