you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
