I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
