That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
