Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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