I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He felt like a one man threesome
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
