Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's the barista slut.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
