Your tits are I can't wait for
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
