What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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